Cro's College Adventures
by crocious
Summary: Goddammit, Hima-Papa. Why are my history notes covered in dirty doodles? Why do I already know half the stuff they're teaching? Why am I not paying attention? This is what happens when high school Hetalia fans become college Hetalia fans.
1. Chapter 1

On September 22, 2011, a college student sat in her Modern East Asia class. Half listening to her teacher and half doodling Hetalia characters in adorable Halloween costumes, her Chinese professor's voice cut through the air.

"Japanese were more receptive to West than China."

The student looked down at her doodle-notes. She found her pen tracing over a doodle of Germany. It seemed to panic.

"What are you doing?" the doodle seemed to ask.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I can't stop myself."

"Yes, Cro, you can! It's called self-control!"

"I'm an American fangirl- how much self-control do you think I have?"

The pen traced Germany's neck and Germany panicked.

"Cro, no. Pay attention, Professor Xiong is talking about Commodore Perry! He didn't mean me!"

"I know," she whispered apologetically. "I'm sorry. But it's done, West. I can't undo this."

As Germany's naked torso came into being, he began to plead.

"Just stop. Please. You've made your point and now you'll always remember that the Japanese were more receptive to _Western influence_ than China was. You can pay more attention now. Look! I think he's talking about the Tokugawa shogunate!"

"Don't be silly, West. I haven't drawn Japan yet. How am I going to remember?"

Japan's face came into being. "Cro-san, what's going on?"

"I'm sorry, Japan. I don't want to do this, I promise."

"Germany-san, what is she doing?"

"Leave Japan alone, Crocious! Just stop!"

The student tried to fight it, but she couldn't. Japan's torso came to be.

"Cro-san, why am I on the floor? What is going on?"

"Germany, should Japan be wearing lingerie or a casual kimono? Or nothing."

Japan blushed darkly and Germany looked at the student in horror.

"For God's sake, woman, have you no shame?"

"I already told you, I'm an American fangirl. Oh God, Professor Xiong just said sugar-daddy."

"Cro!"

"Cro-san?"

"I'm sorry, have you ever heard a Chinese accent say 'sugar daddy?' It's really funny!"

One of Germany's hands gripped Japan's kimono at the back and Japan's eyes widened.

"G-Germany-san?"

"I'm sorry, Japan, I'm trying not to."

Japan's arms spread out in front of him. "I-I don't want to d-do this anymore, Cro-san!"

"Crocious! Stop! Look, class is over!"

The student looked at the clock. "Oh! Wow, class went fast today, huh?"

As the rest of the students packed their bags, the student gently folded her page of doodle-notes and slipped it into the recycling bin. She went to lunch feeling filthy to her very core.

Germany and Japan didn't feel much, being both poorly drawn and made of ink. But if ink could feel, one can only assume that they would be relieved.


	2. Math is hard

On November 2, Crocious was taking notes in her math class when she came upon a curious symbol she had never seen. She puzzled for a moment, relieved that something could assuage her boredom. But after the moment, she continued to puzzle. The symbol looked like nothing she had ever seen and she couldn't for the life of her figure it out.

"It's all Greek to me," she thought.

Finally, Crocious decided that knowing what things mean might be useful in math class, so she quickly sketched the only Greek she knew to help her with his magical Greece powers.

To Crocious' dismay, Greece was napping when she was done.

She poked the drawing with her pencil. "Hey. Hey. Wake up."

Slowly, Greece's eyes opened. He looked at her in confusion.

"Hm? What do you… need?"

Crocious smiled. "Hey, dude. I need some help. What's µ mean?"

"Come again?"

"µ. It's in this equation and I can't find it in my calculator."

Greece stretched out luxuriously. "It's… a letter."

The student rolled her eyes. "I got that. What letter is it and what does it mean when you're talking standard deviation?"

Greece smiled and cat ears popped out of the top of his head. "It's pronounced… _mew_."

"Cute," Crocious said, rolling her eyes. "What is it really?"

"µ…µ…µ…." Greece rolled around on his back and went back to sleep.

"Hey… Hey! I still need you! What's it mean?"

"Exactly," Greece murmured.

"What?"

"It's mean."

Crocious prodded the drawing with her pencil. "You're not making any sense! Come on, help me out here!"

"Call Japan… He's good at math…."

"Noooo," Crocious laughed. "No way. There's people around. I don't trust myself with you and Japan in public."

Greece smiled. "Me… either."

The student sighed. "Fine. Can you tell me what σ means?"

"That's a… lower case sigma."

"That means nothing to me."

Greece chuckled quietly and went back to sleep.

"Hey… Hey! Wake up, jerk! You haven't helped at all!"

The student poked and prodded, but Greece was dead to the world. She sighed.

"I should've joined a sorority."


	3. Work sucks

When Crocious was in high school, she was sure that there would be nothing better than college, for many reasons. In college, no one could say 'boo' if you stayed out until 3 in the morning. Cliques would just be a bad memory. You could have ice cream every day if you wanted.

Cro soon found that all of those are true. But she learned very quickly that to enjoy these things in clean clothes, she would need money. And unless she was willing to part with her liver or a lung, she would have to get a job.

She looked high and low, but in a college town, nearly every business is packed with other college students willing to work long hours for slave wages. Cro was iffy about the slave wages, but her laundry basket was beginning to attract local wolves, so she kept looking.

Finally, after dozens of applications, several interviews and even resorting to displaying her newspaper articles to potential employers (because nothing says 'hire me' like 'How to Get Drunk When you're Broke,') she came to a lone Chinese restaurant.

Cro had walked past the restaurant many times, but she had never walked it. It had a very illegal feel to it and the college student workers that went in and out had the same look in their eyes as the very recently dead. But Cro was determined to get the slave wages so her British roommate could stop glaring pointedly at the horrible laundry basket, so she mustered up her courage and walked into the Chinese restaurant.

The tiny restaurant was empty, so she walked straight up to the counter where a college student was manning the cash register.

"What can I get you?" the student asked.

"A job," Crocious said. "I'd like a job, please."

The student blinked. Crocious tried to hold his gaze confidently, but it's very difficult to pretend to know what you're doing after you say something stupid.

"Anything else?" the student smiled.

Crocious laughed. "Nah, that's it."

"Alright." The student turned behind him. "Ping!"

From the bowels of the kitchen, a diminutive Chinese woman hurried forth. Crocious' first thought about Ping was how adorable she was. The second thought was if Wang Yao was a person, he'd look exactly like her, from her ponytail to her impatient tapping.

"What!" Ping said, annoyed.

Cro bit back a smile as she imagined a habitual "aru."

"Weren't we hiring a new cashier?" the student asked.

"Oh, okay," Ping said, frowning. She pointed at Cro. "You leave name and number and availability. I call when I want you work."

_Aru, aru, aru,_ Cro thought.

Ping retreated back into the poorly lit kitchen to yell at the Mexican cooks in Chinese and the student visibly relaxed as soon as she was out of ear shot.

"She seems… sweet," Cro said.

The student shook his head and handed Cro a piece of paper. "Good luck."

…

There was never an interview. The Chinese have something against sitting for more than two minutes, so Ping called Crocious and immediately set her to folding crab Rangoon and packing fried noodles.

The Chinese definition of "cashier" is very different from the American definition.

Throughout the night, Cro quickly found out why so many workers seemed dead in the eyes at Campus Wok. Ping was bloodthirsty and rough, yelling at the cooks in a bastardized Chinese/Spanish hybrid language, hitting her husband and glowering at the slave-wage college students. Cro found herself almost crying at the abuse and the violent hand-slapping when she accidentally gave an order too much soy sauce.

But then, around 3 in the morning, something wonderful happened. Another slave wage college student was showing Cro a picture of her niece in an angel costume for the last Halloween. Cro 'aw'd politely, but Ping came up behind them, squealing.

"Chelsea, is that your niece? She is _so cute!_ Aiyaa, I love it!"

Cro stared in amazement as the violent Chinese woman excitedly showed Chelsea pictures of her own daughter in overalls, magically reduced to a puddle of swooning adorableness at the mere mention of something as cute as a baby in a costume.

Cro couldn't be certain of what she heard next, it being 3 in the morning and all, but to her sleep-deprived brain, it sounded like Ping said "That is so cute, _aru!_ Send me that picture, _aru!_"

The next day, Cro quit. "Anything that makes me work until I hear Wang Yao," she reasoned, "can't possibly be good for me."


	4. Easily distracted doesn't even begin

On November 3rd, Crocious was sitting in her Non-Western World sociology class. She had done this many times, but for some reason she simply couldn't focus that day. She turned instead to a blank sheet of paper and started doodling.

"Hey."

Crocious looked around at the doodles to see which one was trying to distract her further.

"Pst. Hey."

She found a little doodle of Prussia. "What?" she asked.

"I'm bored," the Prussia doodle said.

The student sighed and tried to refocus on the lecture of globalization and glocalization theories, but Prussia was insistent.

"Hey! Cro! I'm bored!"

"I get that," the student said. "Don't distract me."

"You're bored too," Prussia said. "Let's have some fun!"

"I need to pay attention, Gilbert. What if this stuff is on the test?"

"Come onnnnn," Prussia whined. "At least give me something fun to do!"

"Like what?"

Prussia thought for a second. "Ooh! Let me cook! Kesese!"

Crocious giggled. "Cook?"

"Yeah! I'm hungry!"

"Okay," Crocious said. "But only if you wear a frilly pink… NO! Gil, quit it! I have to pay attention!"

"Nuh-uh!" Prussia said. "This guy hasn't said anything you can't Google later! Play with me!"

"Gil, I like Professor Vladislava. We're going to start listening to him."

The doodle frowned. "Is that really his name?"

"Or Vyacheslav. Whatever."

The doodle paused. His eyes widened. "That… that accent…"

"Pretty, innit?"

"Is he… he's not… No way! Fuck that guy! Leave!"

Crocious was taken aback at the violence of Prussia's insistence. "What?"

"Fuck him! Let's go play on the internet!"

"Gil, relax," Cro said. "Just because he's Russian doesn't mean he's bad. He's actually a great guy!"

"Fuck you. No he's not."

"Gil you don't even know him. Hold still, kay? I'm gonna draw you in an apron."

"No, fuck you! That Soviet piece of crap! Run! Run away before he does something evil!"

Crocious sighed. "You're not going to let me pay attention, are you?"

"Internet internet internet!"

"Class class class!"

"Iiiiiiiiii'm sailiiiiiiing away…"

"Oh, now you're just being an asshole. Fine. SEVEN AM WAKING UP IN THE MORNING!"

"GAH! STOP! I HATE YOU!"

"Let me pay attention in class, Gilbert!"

"No! Commie bastard!"

"GOTTA BE FRESH GOTTA GO DOWNSTAIRS!"

"FUCK YOU!"

"The time is going, Gilbert! Ticking on and on! EVERYBODY'S RUSSIAN!"

"THOSE AREN'T EVEN THE WORDS!"

"Let me pay attention, you asshole!"

"FINE!" Prussia shouted. "FINE! Pay attention, you bitch! See what an education does for you! Fucking woman!"

Cro rolled her eyes and looked up. She gasped as every other student packed their bags and stood up to leave.

"Gil!" she hissed. "You made me miss the entire lecture!"

"Kesesesese!"


	5. Proud to be an American

On December 2nd, Crocious found herself in her Non Western World class once more, listening to her Russian professor denounce the USSR. Despite herself, the student found herself smiling.

Take that, Stalin, she thought. Even this guy thinks you were an asshole.

Happily, she doodled her country. She gave America a celebratory soda. "Way to be awesome," she whispered.

America winked and sipped his pop. "You can say that again!" he beamed.

Crocious smiled and kept taking notes about the fall of the USSR. 15 new countries. One lonely Russia. She almost felt bad for the imperialist creep. But then-

"In 2008," Professor Karpov said in his silky Russian accent, "Russia invaded Georgia."

Crocious looked up in alarm. America choked on his soda.

"_What did he say_?" America hissed between coughs.

Crocious looked around in panic. "He said Russia invaded Georgia… why isn't anyone else freaking out? I don't remember that at all!"

"Why didn't I ever hear about this?" America said. "Kind of a big thing to leave out of the report!"

"The bastard! Sneaky commie bastard!"

America began to yell into his phone. "I don't care if the President is having lunch, I need him now! We're in a state of Defcon 1! Nuke that bastard's ass!"

"Okay, calm down," Crocious said, erasing the phone. "Who are you even talking to? You're a drawing. You don't know anybody."

"I know people!" America hissed.

"Also, I don't think the US uses the Defcon system anymore. The Cold War's over."

"Well, apparently not!" America yelled. "Russia invaded Georgia!"

"We need to relax," Crocious said. "I mean, it was three years ago. And we don't know anything about it. Maybe Professor's mistaken. I'm sure we would have heard something if Georgia was invaded."

"Fucking Commie," America growled. "I love Georgia. It's so…"

"…so what?"

"Well, you know."

"Which one is Georgia again?"

"I'm pretty sure it's the one with the Coke?"

"Oh," Crocious said. "I'm a Pepsi girl."

"No one cares about your soda preferences, Cro!" America snapped. "We have a Soviet invasion to worry about!"

Crocious sniffed. "That hurt my feelings. Now we're both in the wrong."

"…I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

America opened a map of the United States and studied it. "It says that Georgia is here, in the south. Why the hell is that bastard in Georgia? Georgia isn't even close to DC."

"Maybe Professor's mistaken," Crocious repeated. "I know we'd have heard of it if Russia invaded the States."

"Karpov's a Russian name, right?"

"Yeah?"

"We can't trust him," America said. "He could be playing a tricksy Soviet trick on us."

"But… the Soviet Union's dead, America. We just heard him say that four times. And besides that, we know it dissolved 20 years ago. Professor isn't trying to help the Soviet Union any more than I'm trying to help the Confederates."

America shot the student a look. "Are you?"

"What? No! Don't be stupid!"

America chewed his lip. "What's that guy what's in charge of Russia now?"

"Putin?"

"Right. Him. What did Karpov say about him?"

"Um… He likes to be shirtless in front of mountains?"

"No, no, the other thing. The one about economic policy."

"Oh." Crocious perused her notes. "Um… Russia has seen a return to more communist policies under Putin's regime."

America gasped. "That's it! The bastard is trying to rebuild the Soviet Union! And he's starting with Georgia!"

"He can't have it!" Crocious said. "Georgia's as American and apple pie! They'll never submit!"

"We have to go free them!" America said. "Are you with me?"

"Fuck yeah!"

There was a small cough from the top of the paper. "Ahem. Idiots."

Crocious and America looked at England. "What?" they said, annoyed.

"Have either of you ever seen a bloody world map?"

America held up his map of the United States. "Um, yes we have, Iggy. Go back to drinking tea and eating crumpets."

England rolled his eyes. "Well it may interest you to know that there is an entirely separate country in Europe called Georgia. Russia invaded _that_ Georgia, not yours."

Crocious and America looked at each other and laughed. "Yeah right," the student said. "There is not."

"Seriously, Iggs, Americans are talking here. Go away now."

England grew red. "It's true, you Yankee wankers! Don't you ever look at a globe?"

"There can't be a country called Georgia," Crocious explained patiently. "There's already a state called Georgia. And everyone knows, no copy cats on country names."

"It's true," America nodded sagely.

England tugged his hair in frustration. "This isn't even obscure knowledge! This is basic world geography! Bloody Google it, or whatever you Americans do when you don't know something so obvious!"

America rolled his eyes. "Psh."

"Psh," Crocious said, pulling out her laptop."

"Psh."

"Psh."

"Psh."

"Oh!"

Cro's eyes widened and she stared at the screen.

America looked up. "Oh!"

England smirked. "You see? Right there. Georgia. Russia invaded _here_, not your rotten state."

"America's safe?" Cro said.

"We just saved the country!" America grinned.

England looked at the two, puzzled. "What?"

"Cro, we're heroes!"

"Woo-hoo! USA! USA!"

"Once again, I'm the hero!"

England slapped his forehead. "Bloody _idiots…_"


	6. Germans are Hardasses

On January 18th, Crocious was preparing herself for her German language class. Despite her previous promises to her mother to please, for the love of God, act like a sane person, she once again found herself doodling Hetalia characters to, she justified, help her.

"Okay," she said to her Prussia doodle. "You're gonna help me, right? I can't remember all these words on my own."

"Make me a sandwich," Prussia cackled.

Crocious sighed. "What's the German word for sandwich?"

"If I said it in German," Prussia explained patiently, "you would not understand. And if you didn't understand, you wouldn't make me a sandwich. No mayonnaise."

Crocious pinched the bridge of her nose. "What happened to manners?"

"Oh, right. Thank you."

"It's _danke_!"

"You're welcome!" Prussia laughed.

Cro seriously considered erasing Prussia. A doodle from the top of the paper sighed.

"Ignore _mein Bruder_, Crocious. He's an idiot."

Cro grinned. "Germany! Can you help me with my German? Please?"

"_Im Deutsch_?" Germany asked.

"Um… _bitte_?"

The corner of Germany's mouth twitched up. "Goodness gracious. You do need help."

"_Ich… voudrais… hilf_?"

Prussia's eye twitched. "French? Really? How can you possibly mix up our awesome language with that stupid fruity Frenchman's?"

"I'm sorry!" Cro cried. "I have French right after, I'm mixing everything up!"

Germany tapped his chin thoughtfully. "You're taking three languages, Crocious. You need all the help you can get."

Crocious looked at the stern German (redundancy) hopefully. "So… you'll help me?"

"It won't be easy," Germany said. "You will have to take copious notes. You will have to think in German. You will have to study two hours every day."

Crocious exchanged a "Yeah right" look with Prussia. "Okay," she agreed with a wink to the albino doodle. Prussia snickered.

"I'm serious, Crocious!" Germany snapped. "You want my help, you have to be serious too! This isn't a game! This is your life!"

Cro nearly jumped back in surprise at the violence of the demand. "G…Germany?"

"_Im der Vaterland_, we don't fuck around with fun little games and songs and half-assery! You learn or you fail! Now, do you want my help or not!"

"Yes, I do!"

"_IM DEUTSCH! _From now on you speak to me in the best German you can! Understood?"

Even though it was her own doodle yelling at her, Cro felt her eyes sting with hurt. "_J-ja, Deutschland. Danke_."

"_Gut_."

Prussia looked at both of them, annoyed. "Seriously. Where's my sandwich."

…

Halfway through German class that day, Crocious looked at her doodle of Germany.

"_Deutschland? Wie…_ um… _wie heisst du_?"

Prussia rolled his eyes. "Names? You're boring in German, Cro."

Germany ignored his brother. "_Mein namme ist Ludwig._"

"_Und… Ihr Bruder_?"

"I'm Gilbert," Prussia said impatiently. "Geez, it's like you turned into the slow kid in Kindergarten, Cro! Hurry up and get fluent!"

"I'm trying!" Cro said. "French is so much easier!"

Prussia laughed and winked. "_France_ is so much easier! Kesesese!"

Germany glared at his brother. "Gilbert!"

"Geez, sorry! _Frankreich_ is so much easier!"

Crocious' professor began to list opposite adjectives and she recited with her class. "_Dick, dunn. Kurz, lang. Alt, jung._" Germany was as motionless as a doodle ought to be as Crocious shakily recited. "_Schnell, langsam. Sauber…_"

Cro's face split into a wide grin and she pointed excitedly at her book. "_Schmutzig! _I know that word! Like Yiddish _schmutz!_ It means dirty!"

"What do you want, a freaking medal?" Germany said harshly. "Shut up and pay attention! Your _Professorin_ is giving a listening quiz!"

Cro looked forlornly at Prussia and he offered a little smile.

"Maybe German will help you learn Yiddish and vice versa? In any case, pay attention. German is hard to spell if you're used to English."

Cro sighed and numbered her paper.

"Number one," she murmured.

"_Eins_," Germany corrected. "_Im Deutsch._"

Cro tried to convey her barely-give-a-damn, but Germany took no notice. "_Eins,_" she said. "_Zwei. Drei. Vier._ Happy?"

"_Entzückt,_" Germany said.

Crocious looked up at her professor and wrote the first sentence. "_Mein namme ist Rosa_. Okay. Easy, right?"

"Settle down, Cro," Prussia grinned.

"Next," Germany barked.

"Okay! Jeez!" Cro whined. "_Das wetter ist typisch kalt im die winter. _Right?"

"Capitalize all nouns," Germany instructed.

"Or just write in all caps," Prussia suggested. "That's what I do."

"And it makes you look like a _dummkopf_," Germany said. Prussia stuck out his tongue.

"Guys, quiet," Crocious said. "I missed that last one. Something about dirty."

The professor repeated and Cro scribbled it down. "_Mein… Hoser… ist… schmutzig_?"

"Hoser?" Germany said. "What is Hoser? Could she have meant _Hose_? Pants?"

Cro and Prussia looked at each other and sniggered.

"_Mein _Hoser_ ist schmutzig_," Prussia said.

"_Dein kleines schmutzig _Hoser," Crocious laughed.

Germany glared at them angrily. "What is so funny! You completely missed the last sentence, you idiots!"

Cro and Prussia ignored Germany as Cro hastily scribbled in the margins, snickering. Prussia laughed and tried to peer over the pencil.

In ten seconds, Canada stood, bewildered, in the margins.

"Hey, Mattie!" Prussia greeted.

"Gilbert?" Canada said. "What am I doing here? Crocious, where am I?"

"Hold still," Cro snickered, drawing a mud smear on Canada's cheek.

"What's going on?" Canada said. "Ludwig? Gilbert? What's she doing?"

Prussia played with Canada's hair as Crocious drew grass stains on his pants and dirt on his shirt. "_Schmutzig_ Hoser, Mattie!" Prussia explained happily.

Germany slapped his forehead. "REALLY?" he roared. "This idiocy is what entertains you? THIS is why you're too busy to study every day?"

Cro looked at Germany, bewildered. "Wull… _obviously._"

Prussia cackled and tugged on Canada's ear.


	7. Le Miracle, perchance

On Wednesday, February 8, Crocious sat in her college German class absently doodling Canada playing air guitar with the stupid caption, "_J'aimes joue ma awesome guitare._" She smiled lightly and turned the notes over, as she always did, so no one could judge her derp.

But before Cro could properly conceal her dorkiest of quirks, the girl sitting next to her grinned slyly. "Wrong class," she murmured.

Cro felt her face get hot and she tried to act like she was paying attention to her German professor's lecture on German grocery stores. One day she might need to ask a German if the strudel is fresh.

But her classmate wasn't deterred. "That's a pretty clever trick," she said. "You're the one taking French and Mandarin too, right?"

Cro smiled painfully. "Stupid little doodles help me keep them straight."

Her classmate winked. "Shouldn't you be doodling fruits instead of Hetalia Characters?"

Cro heard locusts and she debated whether to furiously deny any such embarrassing habit and punch herself in the face or furiously deny any such embarrassing habit and punch her classmate in the face.

Her classmate, for her part, blushed suddenly and stared at her notes like Waldo was hiding in them.

"M-my roommate," she whispered.

Cro bit a smile. "Mine too."

They grinned briefly at each other and stared straight at their professor.

Professor Lenzner went through the vocabulary. "_Was bedeutet Brot? Was bedeutet Bananen? Was bedeutet Kuchen?_" The professor asked for translations and the students recited, bored. She smiled warmly and offered a bonus word.

"_Die Banane ist lecker. _Class? _Was bedeutet 'lecker?'_"

In a German accent, _lecker_ sounds cheerfully familiar, so Cro and her classmate simultaneously pumped their fists in the air. "LIQUOR!" they cheered together, laughing.

The classroom was silent as every eye stared at and silently judged them.

A student Cro was friendly with raised a hand and an eyebrow, smirking lightly. "Delicious," he said slowly. "_Lecker_ means "delicious"."

Cro's classmate squeaked and covered her face in shame. Cro looked the student straight in the eye. "Right," she said. "What did _I_ say?"

The professor snorted and the classroom rumbled with laughter for a bit before switching to shopping verbs. Cro turned to her classmate to share a grin, but found her scribbling furiously. When she finished, she pushed the doodle toward Cro. It was Germany, glaring, horrified, at her. Cro choked on her snort.

"He's very disappointed in us," she whispered.

Cro hurriedly doodled Prussia bestowing a thumbs –up on her own notes. "We're really just too awesome to care."


	8. Panda Power

Summers in the states are made for fun. The days are hot enough to fry bacon on the sidewalk, so resourceful Americans throw on the sprinklers or flock to the beach. The nights are warm enough for bonfires and catching fireflies in glass jars, or skinny dipping in the lake. Summers are made for fireworks and barbecues, for secret kisses and ice cream- flavored laughter, for resting and playing and sleeping naked in front of a fan. From the moment the last snowflake melts, every American starts to look forward to three months of what can only be described as "magic."

But not Cro.

Cro is stuck at school this year, all summer long. She might be able to tolerate having homework when she should, by all rights, be starting water balloon wars with strangers. She would be able to deal with the appalling lack of fresh grilled burgers. She could even, for the sake of her education, give up exploding things on her favorite country's birthday for just this one year. But the dorms have no air conditioning and Cro takes the heat the way any other girl would take a bullet to the chest. It's pathetic to behold.

Nonetheless, Cro is nothing if not awesome. She deals like a boss and will trudge through come Hell or high water for the sake of a nearly useless degree in French and Mandarin Chinese so she can spend the rest of her life in a cubicle to pay for her retirement.

To that end, Cro spends her hot summer nights practicing her calligraphy in front of her overworked box fan and an open window. It isn't even close to comfortable, and more often than not she wakes up when it's dark outside with ink on her face in a mirror image of the Chinese word for "hero." She's taken to taping pictures of China and Germany and other Hetalia characters above her desk to silently judge her and keep her on track. But heat tends to melt parts of Cro's brain.

"What you doing?"

Cro looked up at the picture of Mr China and smiled tiredly. "Wang Shifu, long time no see. How are you?"

China seemed to raise an eyebrow. At least to Cro's heat-addled mind brain. "Are you trying to do Chinese calligraphy?"

Cro tried to wipe the ink off her cheek, but only managed to smudge it into her skin. "I'm not that good yet, but my cursive style is kind of pretty. Right?"

China looked down at the paper Cro had molested with her brush and her face. "What character is that supposed to be, aru?"

He was pointing at Cro's name. "That's Wei," Cro explained. "Except the other characters for Wei all meant boring things. So I chose the word that fit me and my family best."

"Your name mean 'swagger?'"

"Right!"

China's eye twitched. "Not a fan of humility, are you?"

"Not sure," Cro said. "How do you write that one?"

China clucked his tongue and looked back down at the paper. "You not very good at this, aru."

Cro let her head fall on the wet ink. "I know! It's terrible! It's missing something important, but I don't know what!"

China studied the smudged characters again. Suddenly, he gasped.

"Cro Xiaojie, I know how you can make this calligraphy beautiful, aru!"

Cro looked up hopefully. "You do? Seriously? How?"

China pointed down. "Pick up your brush!"

Cro grabbed it excitedly. "Okay!"

"Now soak the tip in fresh ink, aru!"

"Okay!"

China pointed at a clean corner of the paper. "Now paint a panda!"

Cro's brush dripped onto the paper and she looked up in confusion. "What?"

"Paint," China repeated slowly, "a panda."

"A panda?"

"Yes, aru! Having a panda on your paper instantly makes anything wonderful!"

Cro wiped a little ink out of her eye. "Are you sure I shouldn't just use that space to practice my name some more?"

"Look at your calligraphy, Wei Xiaojie."

Cro averted her eyes. "No… I don't want to…"

"I said LOOK AT IT, ARU!"

"Oh GOD! IT'S HORRIBLE!"

"What is this word even supposed to be? It look like nothing I ever see!"

"I supposed to be _Hanbao_!" Cro sobbed. "For "burger!" I've disgraced my country with my failure!"

"Yes, aru! But you can save it! You can make sure that tree didn't die for nothing! _You can put a panda on it!"_

Cro sniffed. "Really? You think so?"

China smiled warmly. "I believe in you, aru."

Cro bit her lip and inked a panda in the corner.

China squealed in delight. "Aiyaa! Xiao Cro, your calligraphy is wonderful!"

"Really?" Cro said excitedly. "I LOVE Panda Power!"

**What… what is this? Could it really be an update? Does this mean I'm really coming back to the fan fiction fold? Will I finally finish the other three awesome stories soon and stop assuming everyone will actually want to read them?**


	9. Watch Eurovision, guys

Eurovision season is a very special time for Hetalia fans, particularly hardcore yaoi fangirls. It's a continent-wide event that just leaks international friendship and glorious, fun competition, and even though the GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD isn't invited because of the stupid Atlantic Ocean, it's still a blast to watch and project Hetalia characters onto the singers.

Often, the songs fit Hetalia characters perfectly, like Spain or Denmark last year. Sometimes the songs are equal parts hilarious and terrifying, like "Party For Everybody" from Russia this year. Very rarely is it impossible for a properly nuts fangirl to somehow fit song and character together, but this is a very rare year.

The very first time Cro heard "Woki Mit Deim Popo" by Trackshittaz, she thought she misread the country name. That Eurovision would allow Australia into the competition and that Australia would choose a song in German seemed infinitely more likely than Austria singing a song called "Shake Your Ass." When the glow-in-the-dark strippers started glow-in-the-dark dancing, Cro laughed so hard she nearly ruptured something important.

"Okay," Cro thought. "I get it. Life isn't like Hetalia. Especially after Austria's comedian singer a few years back, this shouldn't shock me so much. Just enjoy and try not to be disappointed at the real world."

But something about Austria's song nagged her. There was something frustratingly familiar about it, but she couldn't for the life of her put her finger on it.

Until German class the next day, that is.

Cro doodled absently as her professor lectured on present perfect tense. "Woki Mit Deim Popo" played relentlessly through her little head and she suddenly doodled so furiously that her professor thought she was taking notes and asked her a question.

When she looked back down, her eyes widened.

"_You_," she hissed. "I should have known!"

Prussia grinned. "Took ya long enough. You're losing your touch, Cro."

"But… but _how_? Austria would never let you do Eurovision, music is his life! How'd you get him to consent?"

"Kesesese," Prussia chuckled. "Who said anything about consent? I own his vital regions, he doesn't get a say in the matter! KESESESE!"

"His little _Popo!_ Gilbert, what have you done?"

"I HAVE BEGUN MY INVASION BACK INTO THE WORLD! Prepare for my awesome! Praise me! PRAISE ME!"

A sinister whisper suddenly echoed through their ears.

"_Give it back…_"

Prussia's eyes widened. "What was that?"

Cro suddenly realized she was doodling and stopped herself. "…oops."

"_Give it back,_" Hungary hissed. "_Give it back, give it back._"

"ERASE HER!" Prussia panicked. "_MEIN GOTT, SHE'S COMING!_"

Cro looked from her pen to the frying pan in Hungary's fist. "Wow," she said. "Would you look at the time. Class is almost over."

"NOOOOOOOOO!"


End file.
